I have disgraced myself I’m afraid. Twice. Inside.

Once on the polished floor, once on the plush white mat where my human mother places her feet whilst watching a strange box with flashing lights and loud voices.

I can only put it down to my youth and exuberance, my excitement at having a big house to run around in, my dislike of cat litter trays ( who invented those?) and wanting to please my owner humans with my sparkling feline personality. Although I did notice a drastic change in human voice tone and level at this unfortunate discovery. It resulted in my being banished, quickly, to the outdoors. There was much muttering amongst them for a while. I’m sure I heard “ the Home “ mentioned once or twice.

I didn’t understand. I’m Home now aren’t I? Isn’t this a cats’ home? My home?  What other cats home would they be referring to? 

From the tone of their voices it is not a nice home, this other home. I do not want to go there. At least I managed to avoid the fluffy, white plush floor mat which I heard them say was worth $3,000. Or the white, embossed couch that, if I’m lucky, can be a comfy place for a cat like me to sit on.

If I can manage it. And I do manage it, on occasion.

I am now an outdoors/indoors cat. I don’t mind. I can come and go as I please. There is no cat flap here but if I sit outside meowing pitifully or staring in through the glass, whilst also meowing pitifully, someone will eventually open the door and let me in. I enjoy my food. The meals are excellent here, juicy and varied.

There is not an item of outdoor furniture I have not tried. Some are better than others. I have heard other mutterings about cat hair on the furniture ( I am a long hair after all ) and I do my best to keep myself well groomed. I love to throw myself on the path outside, collecting leaves and dirt in my fur and burrs which lodge in my tail and are damn hard to get out. I get frowned at if I attempt to come indoors “covered in crap “ as they describe it.

I still stare lovingly into my owners face during a cat nap, a cat nap which hopefully takes place on her, my favorite spot is across the knees or stomach and the best location is right up on the chest area, with my head hanging down towards the floor. I purr loudly, I am so happy. This activity is usually brief however, so I have to make the most of it as there are more mumblings along the lines of “ I haven’t got time to sit here all day “, “ This cat is heavy “, “ Can you please move off of me Angus ?” and “ can you stop staring into my face?”

I have managed to exert my territorial rights re the neighbour cat.

Haven’t seen it lately. Maybe it got the hint after that one-on-one growling incident under the car or the face-to-face screaming threat I unleashed outside the other week. I don’t like dogs, children – or other people or reversing trucks. I only like or tolerate my people. For now.

I have a cat bed now. I barely put up with it. It is undercover and protected but I still prefer my humans’ bed or a comfy couch, where i can be quiet and undisturbed.

I have just accidentally, smashed the terracotta birdbath outside. It tilted over when I tried to reach the water. I prefer to drink old water the birds bathe in to clean, treated indoor water, much to the consternation and disapproval of my humans. They acted like that old bird bath was some kind of treasured, family heirloom! So much for those pigeons enjoying their ablutions.

Life is good. 

I wonder if there are any other of my feline friends out there who have owners like mine?

I would love to hear your stories in the comments…